I Don’t Know If I Know
About a month ago, I wrote about how philosophy sometimes hindered me in discussions. I was feeling frustrated about feeling insecure about presenting an idea to others unless I thought that it was philosophically polished, whatever that standard may be.
Here is another reason why I think that philosophy hinders me.
Whenever I have discussions with my friends or peers and I cite certain philosophers that could be relevant to the content that we are talking about, I often feel dazed; is what I’m saying truly what I think or am I just reiterating the ideas of other, probably better thinkers?
Of course, it’s probably completely fine to cite other people’s ideas. What I’m worried about is whether or not I truly have an opinion at this point. Because I mainly cite other philosophers to give a perspective on different ideas, I get to doubt whether or not I am even in the custody of my own thoughts.
One relevant branch of philosophy that relates to what I’m experiencing is epistemology. Epistemology is the branch of philosophy that aims to delve into how and why we truly understand and know. Maybe epistemology can help me understand myself.
The issue is that I actually comprehend both branches of my situation; I know who and how to cite and mention in a discussion because I have read books and watched videos about philosophers. However, I have absolutely no idea of what I, myself, believe deep down. Strip away the ideas of philosophers that I know. Who do I have left? Who am I? Are the philosophers a part of me or are they separate? Is my liking of a particular philosopher an indication of what I truly like deep down? Even if I got to find my genuine self, whatever that may be, will I know that I reached that point?
Perhaps epistemology itself is not enough for my circumstance. Perhaps I need epistemology and existentialism, the category of philosophy that prioritizes the study of people’s experiences and choices, to help me on this journey. I have no clue how to go about it yet.
